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She spent years covering weddings and relationships for the paper’s On Love column—and all of the conversations about true love that come with that kind of job.When she accepted the wedding reporter gig in 2009, Mc Carthy was 30 and, like the plotline to a good romantic comedy, recently single.It's rare to see questions like these that even obliquely deal with the topic of modern masculinity tackled in honest, healthy ways, especially with the patience needed to handle a genuine journey of maturity.

It can become a real preoccupation—it certainly was for me. I was worried about finding the right person, but more than that, I was worried about making a bad decision because of that pressure. I think anything you can do to make your own life as rewarding as it can be in this moment is only going to make you happier now, and it’s only going to make you more attractive. " It just kept coming up in interview after interview. It felt natural." And then they’d backtrack and say, "I know that sounds horrible and like settling.

She never suspected that strangers would show her the ropes when it came to love, commitment, and happily-ish ever after.

Yet after chatting with hundreds of couples and more than a few sexperts, she’s written the book on romance—literally. D.s and a law degree so obviously I’m going to marry somebody whose pedigree stands up to that." Or, "I’m of Indian descent, and I have to marry someone else who’s Indian." Or, "I can’t date somebody who’s not into NASCAR." We end up not looking at people as people but as packages. Ending up with somebody who is X inches taller than you isn’t going to make a marriage work. If you’re so busy fulfilling other people’s expectations of who you should be with, then you might miss out.

I asked experts what they think of the advice we can't stand, and as usual, the answer is more nuanced than "it's good" or "it's bad."The great — and annoying — thing about dating advice is that pretty much everybody feels qualified to give it out.

Most people have, after all, had some sort of dating experience at some point.




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